Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in Konst D.'s LiveJournal:

Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
11:29 am	Update So Deanna moved out of my townhouse, moving into a place closer to her work. The place is pretty empty now. It's so quiet at night. For some reason I keep finding it hard to sleep, probably just too much shit on my mind. Jason's back in my life, has been for 3 months or so, cept this time he came back with baggage. He is now engaged to the 17 (almost 18) yr old who was living with us when I lived up in Depew NY. He also now has a brand new baby boy, Quintin, who I am now the Godfather of. Michael's in Las Vegas still, has been all winter, working down there due to the weather in this area. He's coming back to New York soon. I've been handling all his fiancial affairs in NY while he's been gone, it'll be a relief when he's back, I hate taking care of other people's bills. As for me? I'm existing. My parent's are getting a divorce, after 32 years of Marriage, due to my father openly cheating on my mother for over a year. My little sister might be pregnant. My little brother now lives in Colorado. My older brother and sister-in-law, neice, and nephew, I have not heard from or seen in many months. With my Townhouse now only containing me, it gives me too much time to think. I've been looking around at all my possessions, my new 60" HDTV, satin couches, designer dining room, Sealy bed, new Car, etc etc etc, and realise, I'm still not happy. I guess I just can't be materialistic, even when I try. I'm not much for writing or putting my thoughts into words, so I'm ending this here. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 11th, 2003
11:16 am	It's back Things were going so well. New apartment closer to work. New TV, couch, dining room set. Someone to live with that didn't cause unneccesary drama. I was content and happy for a few months. Then the creeping sensation of loneliness found it's way back in. It's true money can't buy happiness. Probably has to do something with spending a day and a night at my old apartment with Jason. It's made me miss him more than ever, even though the hell he put me through was so bad, I still want to be close to him. My logical mind still outweighs my emotional one though, thank god. I can't go back to living like that. Out of sight, out of mind, and yet, I want him still. Sometimes we never get over people and I don't know why I'm such a glutton for punishment. I could be fine if I just severed ties and move on, but the thought of doing so is unbearable. Yet I can't figure out why the fuck I can't let go. He's never done anything to improve my life - only hurt it, is only there when HE needs something, and has put me in more debt than any other person I've ever been there for. It's days like these I could spend the whole day in bed ignoring the world.. Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Monday, March 10th, 2003
8:22 am	Change Well, it was bound to happen, and it finally did. I moved out of my apartment and away from Jason. After a week of barely talking to him, I started to pack. He realized at this point that I truly was moving so did begin to talk with me. We're more than likely going to remain friends, but not as close as we were. In a way I'm feeling good about the move, while in other ways very depressed feeling. Jason feel early sunday morning and ended up fracturing inside his shoulder. He's going to see a specialist this morning, I just hope all goes well for him. I'm not use to turning my back on people or leaving them when they need me, so I'm hoping he doesn't need me as much as he thinks I do. I'm currently living with my little brother. His wife has bad Athsma, so I can't really smoke too much in the house, mainly in my room with the window open and a sweater under the door. I'll be staying with him for a month or two, until I find a place closer to work. I already miss Jason more than I should, but I know there is no going back. It's been a long weekend and I'm at work, having to get up at 5:30 am and hitting the road by 6:30 am isn't going to be fun, but it's a lot calmer at my brothers place than my old apartment. Now to get my back bills paid off and get back into a life of having at least some money now and then. Current Mood: tired (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
11:16 am	Melrose Place in NY, Episode 2 You know, I use to think it would be cool to have people fighting over me, now I'm not so sure. With my best friend staying over at my place for a few days, the tension in the house had gotten so thick you could cut it with a knife, but I never anticipated what happened last night. After working a full day of work, my best friend and I drove up to the car dealer to pick up his car which was having the ball joints replaced because they had been recalled. I didn't get home till about 7:30/8:00 at night. My best friend had turned into the Convience store from the corner of my house and I just went straight home. Once I got into the house, my roommate started an arguement with me. Apparently when my roommate and best friend were working on my best friend's car, they broke a tool at my roommate's bosses place and the boss had bitched Jason out so Jason told me my best friend owed his boss $50. I told him that it wasn't my problem and he would have to talk to my best friend about it, I had nothing to do with it. The arguement of course esculated as it always does when I decide to fight back, to the point where Jason threatened to "beat the shit out of me". Being hot tempered myself, I said, 'If you think you're man enough, then do it, bitch". He started to, but stopped himself then walked away, saying he hated me. So I yelled, 'If you hate me so bad, move. Better yet, I'll do you the favor and save you the hassle, I'm fucking out of here.' I stormed out of my room and into the Kitchen where my best friend had just arrived and was putting away stuff he bought. I said to him, 'I'm out of here, stay if you want, I don't care, but I'm not staying here.' and walked outside. I get out to my car when Jason comes running out, I'm assuming trying to be apologetic, but before he could say anything, I just said, 'There is nothing left to say, I'm sick of this bullshit.' He then goes off about my best friend staying there the last three days and goes into a mini-rant, regardless of my total lack of wishing to hear it. My best friend walks out in the middle of Jason's ranting, so I say, 'If you have a problem with Mike, you talk to Mike about it, he's right there, fucking tell him, not me, I'm fucking sick of hearing it.' They start to verbally go at it, until Jason gets too close. My best friend shoves him and I can tell by the look in his eye that he's about to issue Jason a royal beating, so I do the only thing I can think of and jump in the middle of them, shoving them both back and yelling at both of them that I'm so sick of this bullshit. I storm into the house, telling them both I'm fed up with it and I've had enough, I'm out of there. I go up to my room and begin to pack clothing into my suitcase. Jason comes in and closes the door, asking to at least let him talk for a little. I loose it and begin ranting myself about all the bullshit I've had to put up with for the last year. After talking a little I calm down a little we talk a little then me and my best friend go to the Video store. On the way to the Video store, Jason calls my cellphone and begins talking. He doesnt like my Best Friend, thinks I've been avoiding him, is upset that he can't talk to me because I'm always with Mike, is upset my best friend is staying with us longer than first thought, etc etc etc. It's become obvious to me that he is majorlly jealous of me and Mike being close friends. I can't figure out why, since I've been there for him for over a year, but all this bullshit is obviously pointing that way. Keep in mind, the lil whore is still living there, jobless. So now I'm stuck here wondering what the fuck is going on. Jason is jealous to the point of violence, yet if my best friend wasn't at my apartment, it'd be like I was non-existant unless of course Jason needed money or something. He wants Mike out ASAP, yet I've been the only one paying ANY of the bills. Mike has other places he can stay, but is telling me he'd rather stay at my apartment, I think just to piss Jason off more. I'm one step out the door and I'm so ready to leave them both behind and say fuck this. I have enough stress in my life right now, I really do not need this childish bullshit. Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 10th, 2003
8:24 am	Melrose place? In New York? The drama continues.... My best friend notices my sudden mood change and reacts to it, so now things are good between me and him. My roommate has fallen into a gloomy mooping state, my best friend thinks it's jealousy and isn't far from the truth I'm sure. The landlord stopped by yesterday and saw Jason's dog. I lied and said it was my friends who was just staying the weekend, but regardless, it's gone finally. I told him we couldn't have the dog, it didn't work out last time, it wasn't going to this time, but does anyone listen to me ever? Hells no. I'm still moving as soon as I can, finding a place then breaking the news to my roommate, who I find out has been paid twice by his job and still hasn't given me a dollar to help out with the shitload of bills stacked up in my name. He cares more about getting high than anything else other than getting his girlfriend high too. Oh well, it's been nice having someone other than Jason and his ho around, really improved my mood. Won't last much longer, as my best friend has plans to get out of New York as soon as possible, but at this point, I'll take what I can get. Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 6th, 2003
9:40 am	Another fucking day, but no big suprise So my life sucks, and I deal with it I guess, but I'm through. Monday night my best friend comes over, stays until 1am, then goes back to his girlfriend's. Next day he ends things with her, so me being the dumbass I am, said he could crash at my place a few nights until his car is fixed. Tuesday night, him and my roommate go to drop our dog off at a friend's house, and don't come home for over two and a half hours. Then my "best friend" lies to me. Last night, I get home from work as my roommate's girlfriend is leaving the house with a bag of her clothing, saying she is tired of my roommates shit, that him and my "best friend" left over two hours ago to go get weed and have yet to come home. Over the course of the night I learn my "best friend" lied to me the night before and in truth they went to a bar after dropping the dog off, in my car none-the-less. So basically, my "best friend", is now buddy buddy with the guy he KNOWS has ripped me off of thousands of dollars, plays games with my head, steals shit from me constantly, and treats me like a piece of shit. Fuck them both, I'm sick of both their sorry manipulative piece of shit asses. They can both go fuck themselves. I haven't been this let down in such a long time, I forgot what it was like to be kicked when you were down already. To top it off, the little 16 yr old whore comes back. Like my fucking roommate cannot even afford to support himself, but feels he can support and help someone else? And of course, my "best friend" could give a fuck less about anything unless of course it involves me helping his sorry ass. I give up on them, on everything, I'm so fucking tired of all this bullshit. Fuck them both, I'm out of there as fast as I possibly can. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
3:21 pm	My first live journal entry, now I feel special. No, I really don't feel special, but that's not the point. I have so much pent up anger and hatred I feel like I'm going to explode. Life just keeps pushing me down, no matter how much I try and look to the brighter side. My roommate/ "friend" keeps eating my wallet alive and I keep letting him. Now I'm stuck at work wondering how I will be getting to work tomorrow since I have no money at all for gas/tolls. My best friend is moving to Miami with his pregnant girlfriend and her 4 kids. He keeps asking me to move with him, but I haven't let go of some of the feelings yet, I just keep them hidden really well, and moving is probably not in my best interest. So I sit here broke, with once mroe Jason not getting paid, no money coming from anywhere but broken promises, with enough gas to just barely make it back home and no idea how I will be getting back to work tomorrow. Even if I do have fucking money, what do I have to go home to? Jason and his 16 yr old immature whore of a girlfriend to listen to them bitching and arguing with each other and throwing fits when bullshit doesnt go their way. I hate my job and I hate my lack of a home life. Why is it so hard to get my life back on track? All I want is one night of not worrying about bills and one night of feeling like someone out there really cares about me and loves me. Fuck this. Current Mood: angry (3 Comments |Comment on this)